A friend called to ask me help her find a female part-timer for a event/roadshow the day before the event. Alright, i send smses around and another friend got back to me, expressing her sister’s interest in the job. Nice, i thought everything would be fine.

Late night, friend told me her sister can’t make it because her elder sis is against the idea. She’s very sorry for the trouble and apologized to me. I wasn’t angry with her, but i was worried what if my friend can’t find a replacement in time? I told friend about it and upon hearing the news, she was pissed and ranting about how can someone be so irresponsible. I apologized to her and told her I will try to help her find replacement again. She say okay, we’ll keep each other informed.

So I sent dozens of smses around, ringing up some friends. Some replied, and i’m thankful for that. However, almost all can’t make it. Too last minute or don’t have white polo tee. Nice janey even asked her sister to ask around. Her sis called up her friends and her friend’s friends. That was near 1a.m. Finally, one was interested and say if she could get the pay on the spot upon completing the work, then she’s alright with it. Nice. I was relieved for a while and i tried to ring my friend back and inform her of the availability.

Guess what. This friend, never picked up my calls, neither did she reply my smses. Gone in the air somehow, suddenly. How am i supposed to feel? I’m doing you a favor because i think of you as someone who’s nice and responsible. You made me waste my time, money and even felt so guilty when that sis can’t make it suddenly. I’m so pissed that I told Jane and her sis to forget the whole thing and get to sleep. I really do appreciate what they did, not forgetting wenhao and those who replied too.

To her:
I will never help you find part-timers ever again, unless you learn how to appreciate others’ help.

Personal note:
Not everyone is worth helping, be selective.

Alright, anger aside. Past week wasn’t so nice, mainly because I didn’t catch enough sleep. Weds night, cousin came over to borrow my macbook to do her homework in iMovie. She… Wasn’t someone of normal frequency and behavior so i had a hard time communicating with her… Fearing that i might hurt her emotions or caused her to be stressful.

Halfway doing her work, she would jump onto my bed and start rolling on it. For someone, who’s a cleanliness freak, I almost cut my throat. My bed is on my top no-touch list. She completely don’t know what she was doing and yet can’t bring herself to do it… She was taking random video of my fan, my guitar etc… And she left around 3a.m. I was very sleepy then considering that usually I sleep at 11p.m and wake at 6+a.m. So after she left, I had to change my bedsheets if not I wouldn’t be able to sleep (peacefully), and yes, I went to took a bath again. In the end, I only managed to sleep around 4 and wake at 6+ to prepare for work. So, I was pretty restless on thurs but during night time, Debbie needs my help in Photoshop so i promised to teach her.

Wasn’t able to change day so i sleep late again on thurs, restless again on friday. Friday, wasn’t very nice… because I wasn’t satisfied with a work I’m doing and I’m tired. Illustration for a website. The painting style. I didn’t like it but my boss wanted it that way… I don’t think that really suits but at that point of time, I have no idea how to improve it. Then again, who am I to speak? If he think that’s what he prefer, then I suppose I have no way to say no, because I have no valid reason for it. I wasn’t able to show him a better alternative and so, let it be. Before that, I was doing some NP *roll eye* stuffs and premiums that will never be used.

I think I’ve got bad attitude towards my boss near the end of the day (I do think he sensed that), after feeling pek cek over some stuffs, and running late for dinner with some friends. I don’t like to be late, and I don’t like people to be late as well. Probably, I also don’t understand why my boss like to talk to us near the knocking off time, and it’s a bit paiseh to interrupt his speech even when I had something on or purely mental block. Oh, I do think that my thinking is very different from my boss’s, and sometimes, it’s pointless to tell him what I think because if i say them too bluntly, it’s attitude problem. I know I can be very hurting in words, so most of the time, I do try to hide some, or just don’t talk about it. Then, that’s the way I am. My world is exaggerated, so are my emotions.

Nah, I’m actually fine now.

tsk.

i am so sick of doing designs for np. not ngee ann poly. i dun even dare to call them designs.

from mugs to banner(s), calender(s), machine sticker, ccm, shirts, tissue box, standees, videos and now chinese new year angbao n greeting card. what’s next?

its a yearly thing i see. last yr was bat, now np. like… couldn’t humans just meet up with one another instead of  sending cards? LOL

slap me.

At this point of time, i’m feeling darn bored and i don’t know what to do. Actually, it’s more like  i’ve got too much things to do and i don’t know which one to start with. I desired for things but i take no action. I dream of the impossible(s), trying to make some possible but so far, it’s not feasible.

Talking about dreams. The night before, i dreamt of myself in WWIII. Bombings everywhere and people dying, i see no blood. i tried so hard to escape and i found myself inside this factory basement like place. I hid behind some cupboards and those terrorists appeared. I freaked out and was praying hard they don’t spot me. The funny part comes in. These terrorists opened a door infront of them and started jamming john mayer’s songs and so, i was saved. Guess what. I told myself in the dream that this dream is not logical and i shouldn’t be dreaming this kinda thing. But i’m still dreaming! Let me rephrase. I told myself in the dream, to not dream illogical dreams. Okay, nvm.

Back to what I wanna do.

I wanted to do some illustrations but i don’t know what to draw. Okay, i know i should be practicing to draw some feminine handbags and all (for my work purpose) but i’m not really interested in that. I’m not a good fashion illustrator..But, nah.. i’ll still try to learn how to draw those girl stuffs. O ya, i forgot i girl lar. LOL.

I wanted to learn AS3.0 but i’m stuck, at the very start.

I wanted to write a Chinese fiction, but i’ve no storyline in mind.

I wanted to go Langkawi with my family at the end of the year, but I don’t have so much money to pay for all.

I wanted to solve my knee problem but i don’t know how.

I wanted to take cervical cancer vaccination but then the adverse effects news report freaked me out so I don’t think I’ll take it. LOL.

and I wanted to ….

hey see, i’m so nice that i dedicate an entry to you on your very big day.

First of all, I shall do some mentioning on your early celebration we had on the 26th. You know, the initial plan was not like this but since you requested for a change then we shall go according to it. So, we had a sing out loud session @ Lucky Chinatown, korean BBQ buffet dinner @ Bugis street and late night drink drank drunk @ Sentosa. Nice, except for that korean bbq which Jane insisted on it being very nice.

We performed for you in the ktv and you had your vids taken. keep them well, watch it when we grow old and can no longer sing or dance like that. It’s a pity that you don’t get to sing your ‘Sorry sorry’ but nvm, there’s always another chance. Like you, we shall skip the korean bbq part and jump straight to the late night fun.

Sentosa. A place i seldom go. Nicer than before, with the right people and weird timing. Who the hell go Sentosa near midnight to drink and chat yet leave the place around 5am without watching the sunrise? ‘HEE!’ The weather was damn bad that night, humid. What made us even ’sweat-ier’ were the drinks we had. I thought I’ve quit drinking? But for your sake, it’s alright. I’ll have a drink or two. okay, i had more. LOL. It’s feels so funnei to see you all having red lil or big face as if you all just went wayang. Yee was the first one to go down while ET went bonkers. I love seeing her in an ecstatic mood coz it’s very funnnnnneeiii. But o well, it’s a pity that I didn’t get to see you behaving the way she do. The chivas is not enough to make you drunk hur? Wellie, we still hope you enjoyed the day and find those stupid/funnei moments memorable. After all, you’re 21 now. Officially an adult with much more responsibilities that you can imagine.

Now, words from me.

We’ve the kind of love-hate relationship that it is complicated. *for others who may be reading, NO, we are not lovers and we won’t be. LOL*

I don’t even know I should consider you as my friend or lil sister. Whenever we’re troubled, we share our worries. well, maybe not all the time haha. When we’re bored, we’ll message each other. The first message will always be, “B, what are you doing?” Sounds like some possessive love-birds? LOL! In actual fact, we both know that it’s because we are damn bored and was trying to get a reply to start a topic and chat from there onwards. It’s not like we really care where i’m at or where you’re at. MUAHAHA. And i don’t even noe since when and why you started to call me B instead of Baobei?

Okay, the story behind the ‘baobei’ thing. That was years ago, when i hardly even know you. We went for a badminton game with the rest and you know me as ‘toopid’ and i call you ‘ph’. Inside a washroom, you say i looked small so you would like to call me baobei. then call wing ‘girlfriend’ etc, easier to remember this way. I said okay lor, den i call you baobei back lor since i also don’t know what to call. That’s how we started this baobei thing!!! now, some of my other friends and even my boss will refer you as, baobei. Yang baobei. LOL.

Yang baobei, we both are very stubborn people so we had so many moments of disagreements before. And i think *after* too. We used to get frustrated and heated discussion on some stupid newspaper article, like some gender equality issue or people having sexual acts way too early. It’s like both of us will want our points to be taken and in the end, it’s either we buay tahan and decides to change a topic or we’ll just went off to cool down. LOL! Still, we’ll look for one another some days later and start another chat. maybe get into disagreements again. LOL.

I don’t think we had major argument before yet.. those really big ones.. at most we don’t speak to each other like… a month or two? actually i can’t really remember. Coz usually, you will give in and initiate to talk to me. hahaha. After that, you will keep grumbling and whine about how much you gave in to me and stuffs. tskk~~ i know i’m the fortunate one. LOL. But hey! i bring you lotsa entertainment too horkay, you said i’m one of your funniest friend and it’s so good to have me around you, rmb? that’s why you have a price to pay.

And since i’m a not so bad adviser, listener and entertainment-er, you’ve to cherish me. domineering right? i don’t care. *spins*

Without me, you will have lesser sense of security among some people, less funnei moments, no one to bicker with you, no one to look at you innocently in order to hint that her bag is heavy, no one for you to pat her head, no one for you to hug when you needed one, no one to help you photoshop your photos, other people who snores to sleep beside you… the list goes on. see my importance?

Without you, i will have no one to help me carry my bag (actually there’s Evvon), no one to help me download albums, no one to smack, no one to act cute to, no one to go thru morning sinus process in ah ji’s hse with me, no one to split my gain and lost @ the mahjiong table, no one to rub my head, no one to cover my mouth/face using her super sweaty palms… the list goes on too. i see your importance.

my boss said, to strike a balance in your life, you need a dog and a cat. one to adore you and one to ignore you. I had this feeling that, if you’re the pet of my life, you’ll be my dog. and if i’m your pet of your life, i’ll be the cat. MUAHAHHAHA.

YPH! Happy YPH day to you! Although you’re of a legal age to decide your own stuffs already, but you will still be under my control as long as you are in singapore. HAHAHHA u cannot escape my small claws~ HEE!

Stay happy and sometimes cute okay?! u know u love me HAHAHAHAHAHA

YAYY!!! *spins*

Someone told me i’m that kinda girl-next-door type instead of bitchy ones because i’m not yet qualified for it. lol. define bitch.

anyway, i saw this ms singapore, ris low’s interview clips on razortv. omg. what happened to the judges? ridiculous.

video link 1 video link 2

For the past week, i’ve been watching movies everyday while traveling to and fro my work place. download them on tom365, convert to mp4 and load them into my beloved ipod. Managed to watch movies like Twilight, 17 Again, A.I, Iron man, Ratatouille… I’ve even downloaded Titanic because, ahem uhm I never watch that before. As in I love to watch movies but I don’t do that often especially when I’m in my sec sch days. No $ no luxury. Nvm, now I have tom365. And erm, The pursuit of happyness is one nice one. Yup, a lot should have seen it already hurhur. I’m so slow…

My brother quited his job again and one income less for my family now. Sometimes I wonder when can my father retire and when can we live a better life with no worries on material stuffs. No, we’re not starving.

Work wise, been dealing with After Effects recently and it felt… weird. The previous time when I last touch that was during Motion Graphics in Year 1? Meaning like 3 years ago? That time it was still After Effects 6.5 and now, CS3. We don’t have CS4. The awkward and contradicting part was that I know it’s always nice to learn something ‘new’ or almost ‘new’ but then again, I know very well I’m not going to do MG in the future and it’s not going to be on my portfolio, neither on my company’s portfolio. So, when my boss asked me to do that, i don’t really know how to react.

It’s like I know I have no choice but to do it and it won’t be a fantastic job because I don’t have a good understanding of the software, what’s possible and what’s not. When my boss say “You can de lar, I know you can de” and walks off, I know very well… he’s telling me to just get it done somehow and yes, I know I can finish it on time but it’s not going to be a quality work. If I can do very good video/MG, then I will be in some other related company. Then again, I supposed he don’t have much choice now… everything’s quite… rojak. So hopefully, like what he said, things will get better when the damn system is up. Now, underachieving.

That’s my boring work life.

P/S: Watch and Listen page updated =]

okay, it’s another day. basically, there’s quite some stuffs i wanted to blog about but either i got lazy or i don’t know why i haven’t been doing so. Work is alright with some stuffs to do, health not very good and i miss some friends esp my sistars.

E-tho say next thurs/fri steamboat. Hopefully most are able to make it and i’m looking forward to it. steamboat. we’ve been craving for that. Oh yes, saw the clip gary once posted and now zhiqun linked it to FB – the one on group 9 chalet years ago. man… those were the days… hwen say organize one leh. *hint* to the guys. organize one leh… btw, i dun really get what gerald was singing in the clip except some lil parts like hwen is a white thing etc. nvm, still funny.

Oh, note this. When I’m not feeling well (physically and mentally, it’s somewhat linked), I tend to… ignore everything that is going around me and no one dares to talk to me. Not even on msn lol. Many say, I have this ‘aura’ when I’m feeling like shit. I have to admit that, so what to do? Be myself then. heck la.

A MEH-ing baobei. This is how we usually communicate. Can’t believe we’re both in the 20s.

not bad. his name made it to my blog title of the day.

yesterday was his 21st bday party @ timbre. bet he had fun and we do too. i’ve managed to take the vid when marc sang and played why georgia. john mayer no. 2. and oooo single and available? Marcus marcus, remember what your father said last night? Heh heh

vid here. uhhhmmm… bare with the very dark scene and comments made by the two pretty girls beside me (fen and wen) while i was taking the video. Thou their comments were quite funny. Like wen saying 自high ah 自high then fen was like ” you know meh? you know meh? you know this song meh?” then wen replied “i dunno lar but i know he sing one must be john mayer one” etc.

not enough. we have john mayer and now it’s turn for the wonder boys, they entertained us by doing what the host asked them to do. dancing nobody but you. due to the lighting there, we can’t really see who is who but nvm. left to right: chun how, beicheng, mr-i-dunno-u, gerald and gary. very sporting. nice. sadly i didn’t managed to rec the wonder girls / spice girls part (ms-i-dunno-1, ms-i-dunno-2, L, K, Y) because i’m not in the right position to take vid. I can’t even see clearly ha. Oh, but i saw gerald dancing with them, trying to do moonwalk and jellyfish thingie. damn funny. it’s nice to have gerald around in parties. he can spice things up.

so hope john mayer no.2 had a memorable  21st =]

fun aside, boring stuffs now.

work is still roughly around the same. but maybe there will be improvements, since there is a mr-ravi soon. and i’ve been wanting to leave office on-the-dot because traveling time is long enough and now my mama’s leg haven’t recover so she’s restless at home, crying once a while like a child. i’ll have to massage her leg and listen to hours of stories and complains, then pat her to sleep till i have damn bad dark eye circles now. boss say lemon is good for dark eye circles. we shall see.

yes you saw that. maybe koyima huiwen will be my teacher coz she have nothing much better to do. we shall see.

erm last sat, i fainted after jogging in the morning, resulting in a “baluku” on my head like those you see in the comic / cartoon. Well… it’s the the first time i fainted thou. Mama says I’m anemic, or low blood sugar. I’ve yet to do a full body check up but well… maybe I should do one soon so that I’ll know why i faint so easily.

work is quite boring, with nothing much to do. i wonder how long is that going to last. I just felt that… he pay me to do nothing for these few months and it’s wasting his time + money as well as mine. Well, some might say, isn’t it good? I know he wants to get the CMS done before he start to get in web projects. But… if he can’t bring in web projects now because of that system, maybe he can get in some print at least and not nothing at all? So that I’ll feel slightly useful and that I’m learning or contributing? Now, i just felt that I’m a “door-opener” who reaches on-the-dot, if not latest 9.07a.m because i went lao-sai once. Most of the time, I’m staring at the screen, doing miscellaneous stuffs like surfing the net, reading css and design articles, trying to do some mock css works and msn when some msn-ed me. Getting impatient.

what if…what if…谁都是自己问题的答案
what if…what if…谁都是自己答案的问题
谁都有一辈子 好好想清楚
如果有一件事是重要的 那就是 对与错的总合

- 取自  陈珊妮 <<如果有一件事是重要的>>

I’m gonna write this entry in Chinese. Don’t know how to explain some of my thoughts in engerish.

有感而发
当我还小的时候  我渴望成为大人  能够有很多钱  很多自由  很多自主权
现在我长大了  我盼望能够回到童年  没有社会的压力  没有金钱的诱惑 没有成年人的烦恼
更重要的是  当我们还乳臭未干时  付出的感情是最真挚纯真的

因为长大  看到的世界越大  野心越大  人更自我  本性都跑出来了
我相信每个人都有双面  一面善  一面恶
也许  有些人在孩童时期把善的一面用完了  现在就只好恶颜相对
也许  恶这个字眼用于此  严重了些  简单的说  人变了  妥当些

改变是人生必经之路  怎么改  怎么活  自己选择
恰巧这时用得上陈珊妮的歌词
谁都是自己问题的答案  谁都是自己答案的问题  谁都有一辈子  好好想清楚
我说  很多人一辈子都没有办法想清楚  包括我

一个朋友的改变  造成了一群朋友的烦恼与失落
在大家交头接耳地议论着她的变化的同时  我们也跟着变了
如果  一个人的变化是发生在未成年时期  我们是不是比较容易接受  甚至袒护
如果  我们在背后指指点点  是不是也开始露出了可耻的一面
如果  什么都不做  什么都不说 是不是太与世隔绝  甚至显得故作潇洒  不在乎
如果  每个人都持有不同的看法和认定  什么是对  什么是错
如果  有一件事是重要的  那就是  对与错的总合

当然  这么说来  我不是圣人  也不是烂好人  我只是普通人
普通人对我来说的定义  即是没有彻底的对或错  善恶兼具
当我在自我反省的时候  满腔的自我不满情绪差点淹没了自己
可是当我和朋友一起议论着是非黑白的时候  一切的反思都化为乌有
说起来真是可笑  实际上  这就是人性

突然间搞不清自己的理念  也不想写下去来做个了结
我想  这就是人生